~Everyone Have A Great Manic Monday Cheers!~

Fun Times Ahead

With some trepidation, I must organise another party. This time there will be no magicians and, I imagine, no unseemly declarations of love from Gerald. He has yet to send another post card.

No, it will be a simple, dignified affair, to mark both my 54^th birthday and Sophie's impending departure to Bristol University. I hope to instil a little enthusiasm in her. Yesterday I found her student's welcome pack lining the bottom of Darcy's cage. Perhaps she is daunted by the academic challenges ahead.

Shariah is in such good health that she has apparently already outgrown the woollen bonnet I knitted for her.

When will Cameron learn that you will never meet ordinary people travelling on a First Class carriage. Instead he should take a leaf out of the governments book:

"By remarkable coincidence, the cabinet and the prime minister are making the same journey. One cabinet minister brushed past Mr Cameron and myself on his way through first class to make the point perhaps that in these straightened times, he and other members of Gordon Brown's top team would be travelling standard class"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nickrobinson/

Whilst families are feeling the blip of a worldwide downturn, Cameron sets a terrible example yet again by swanning about in First Class, I suppose standard wasn't good enough lol, despite the fact he is a very standard politican lollol!! 

Mom and two teen daughters arrested for robbing elderly man over $15 dollars
Dannette R. Gillespie, a 38-year-old Texas mother and her two teenage daughters have been arrested for allegedly stabbing a 75-year-old man to death for a mere $15.

Burglar wakes men with spice rub
Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Police: Man tried to hide pot in cop car
Police in Johnson County, Iowa, said a man who was on his way to jail attempted to hide 12 packages of marijuana in the squad car that was transporting him.

Alleged Bank Robber bought lottery tickets
Police in Joliet, Ill., said a bank robbery suspect was arrested after he used allegedly stolen money to buy lottery tickets minutes after the crime.

Man offers $100 for hiding spot
A man on the run from Pasco County deputies offered a Spring Hill woman $100 to hide him from authorities.

Kids bake in car while drunk babysitter does cartwheels down the aisle of a gas station
The afternoon temperature Wednesday was a blistering 90 degrees, and the three young children were stuck in the back of the van for nearly an hour.

Police break down to find cockatoo crying for help
Cries for help inside a house in New Jersey turned out to be nothing but a talkative cockatoo.

Fight over jukebox music led to fatal stabbing
A fatal stabbing outside the Plaza Tavern Wednesday night came after an argument over jukebox music, Assistant District Attorney Michael Verveer said Friday.

Upset flight attendent charged with setting fire to an airplane bathroom during flight
A flight attendant charged with setting fire to an airplane bathroom during a flight to Regina failed to show for a federal court appearance Friday.

Man who refused drink murdered for being 'cheeky'
A thug who kicked a man to death for refusing a drink said his victim was being "cheeky"

Girl forced to marry at nine - murdered by parents after she sought annulment
Despair among human rights workers in Pakistan over a rash of so-called "honour killings" intensified yesterday when it was disclosed that a girl forced into marriage with a 45-year-old man at the age of nine had been killed by her parents because she asked for an annulment.

Man gave a spiritual  healer $8000 for a blessing - turns into $50 after blessing
Authorities say a 27-year-old Jasper man was so desperate to hide an embarrassing truth from his wife that he made up a bogus robbery story

Grandparents' feud over homework - Grandma has a knife and Grandpa has a gun
An Erie grandmother and grandfather are in the county jail after a violent feud over how to reprimand their grandson for not doing his homework.

Woman guily of killing boyfriend over bagel
A Pittsburgh woman is guilty of stabbing her boyfriend to death during an argument over a cold, uneaten bagel

Tickling kids gets lawyer banned from park
A judge on Friday banned a local attorney from a Glen Carbon park after police charged the man with asking people whether he could tickle their children.

Man sentenced for injuring dogs with razor blades stuck in meat
Ken Hughart is relieved that his former neighbor will spend time in jail for injuring his family's dogs twice, he is still nervous about the man's temper and penchant for retaliation.

Judge in hospital; husband charged with attempted murder
Elizabeth Halverson underwent surgery today for injuries sustained when her husband, Ed, allegedly attacked her with a frying pan

West Va. man accused of driving tractor drunk
A Charleston man faces drunken driving charges after police spotted him riding a farm tractor on a highway without lights or proper warning signs

Doctor fired for allegedly drinking on the job
A Massachusetts doctor has been fired and lost the right to renew his medical license for allegedly trying to give a pregnant woman an epidural while drunk.

Man in wheelchair robs 7-Eleven of condoms
A robber rolled into a Dallas convenience store came armed with a bat and a knife. He left with a lot of condoms and an energy drink.

Just wanted to post a little about myself.  I am 30yo, eclectic witch.  Ive been away from my practice for a long time, so long that I almost feel like Im brand new lol.  I am looking to start again and maybe make some friends in the process.  I am a sahm of two awesome kids, and I am a jewelry artist as well. 

I am interested in herbs and gemstones, cooking, soapmaking, books of shadows....

And they really could do with some lessons in wisdom and basic etiquette. Dear oh Dear, do you deserve a title of 'Executive Recruiter' when all you are is a spam machine working for an offshore staffing unit?

It's part of life that people don't always reply to your emails. So when I saw CISCO advertising on Linkedin for a couple of roles in China that we could help them out with, I dropped them a short, sweet, polite email indicating that we had filled roles for tier-one technology firms along the lines that they were advertising. (They are currently looking to hire an Executive Recruiter in China to Manage their Talent Vendors and do high level search, for now the advert is here.

Anyway - rather than do the right thing, the polite thing, and at least reply to my email with a 'thanks but no thanks' - this guy from CISCO India tries to poach one of my staff members! The email he sent made it quite clear of his intentions.

Suffice to say, she politely declined! Working in house suits some people, but it can lack the excitement, variety and independence of working 'supplier side' in a search firm or agency. And what CISCO were thinking trying to use a guy in India to find their top people in China? To me it makes more sense to source local talent in China through people based in China.

What's worse is the email itself was terrible. Shaky grammar, poor spelling, mixed up fonts, and poor spacing. It really did look just like SPAM.

So if anyone at CISCO is reading this, you might want to rethink your strategy by appointing someone to do your direct hiring who actually knows the China market a little, maybe speaks the language, and... maybe they could even be here in China ! Also, trying to solicit staff by a messy email is a pretty lame way of 'Headhunting' IMHO. Phone first. Then email. Don't CISCO care about discretion?

I'd be interested to know which other members of the Glass Dragon CISCO had tried to convince it was great working there with a lousy email?

Good luck with that. And leave my staff alone!!

 

Oops! Obama says 'my Muslim faith'

A verbal slip by Barack Obama, in which he made a reference to "my Muslim faith," unleashed a barrage of Internet attacks Sunday.

'Bad' boot plan marching on

Chicago aldermen will be asked today to lower the boom on their scofflaw constituents -- by dropping the Denver boot threshold from three unpaid tickets to two.

Sarah Palin's church hopes to 'pray away the gay' and convert homosexuals to heterosexuals

Gov. Sarah Palin’s church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

Got a rap sheet? Step right up

Some were rejected from suburban police departments.  Others sold cocaine and smoked pot. A few were thieves. Others are related to crooks. One was even a gang member.

 

And here's the man to do it...how 'bout little verbal beatdown from Mike Brown's first coaching hire?

If only PB could speak from the grave....

 

I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying you are the grand prize winner of a trip to see Jessica Simpson's country debut at the Grand Ole Opry. I was overnighted 2 airline tickets to Nashville and when I checked into the Gaylord Palm's Opryland Hotel I was amazed I could have spent the whole weekend in this beautiful hotel and had so much fun without leaving but I also received two tickets to the Ryman Auditorium, the General Jackson Showboat with a NashVegas performance and tickets to the Grand Ole Opry.  

What an awesome prize.  I called Mike and asked if he would go see Jessica with me even if we had to travel he said yes it would be worth seeing her she would probably do or say something stupid to make it worth while. But when he found out it was in Nashville he turned the chance down to work, which can't complain times are tough so my honey worked while I went off to play for the weekend. My mom just recently moved away so I invited her knowing I won't be seeing much of her anytime soon.

We started friday morning with a trip to the big mall and had lunch and just goofed around until it was time to catch the show on the General Jackson. We had a nice dinner with other contest winners and saw a spectacular view of downtown Nashville from the boat and the had NashVegas performance which is impersonators from Vegas. Very Entertaining

Sat. morning we left for downtown and explored every inch of it. We went to Printers Ally, the Wildhorse Saloon and several gift shops before making our way to the One and Only Ryman Auditorium, this was a high-light of the trip. They let us on stage to take pics. the same stage that every worth while singer/actor has performed before the new Opry was built. We left from the back door and made our way to Tootsies thru the alley. We learned even Elvis would leave the Ryman and cut thru the Alley to get a drink at Tootsies, it honestly gives you goosebumps. Of course me and my big mouth had to meet the owner and have drinks with him, his family has owned this bar since the beginning of time. I met several of the acts that performed that day, my favorite was Tyler Dickerson he is a 14 year old who is on his way up to the top.  He was just signed with John Rich and had just been on Gone Country with Chirs Kirkpatrick. I begged him to tell me if Chris won but he would'nt spill the beans. He did have good things to say about Chris.

I was having so much fun at Tootsies but we had to go get ready for the Opry, so we had lunch just down the alley at Jacks a famous BBQ. The Opry was jammed packed with singers, I saw Roy Clark, Loretta Lynn, Connie Smith, Jean Sheppard, The Whites(from Brother where art there), Patty Loveless, The Road Hammers and also Crystal Shawanda who were discoverd at Tootsies (they should be all over the radio soon). And las but not least Jessica Simpson. She was extremely nervous but still was good for her country debut.

We had a blast in Nashville, there is so much to see and do and I thank Carl Black GMC for choosing me.

I have in error deleted a post about finding lost people from the NIAY notice board. Apologies to those who contributed.I was trying to delete a different one and do not really understand how it happened.

I'll see if I have saved the original - but all the comments will be missing.

Well, I'm going to add something new to my resume. Looks like I'm heading to Freemansburg, Pa for the AMA Pro Circuit Hillclimb. From what I understand this is really something to see. Riders go from a standing start and fly over three jumps on alcohol/nitro bikes, and this is all done up a 500 foot hill that is near vertical, a long with checking out some awesome bikes at the show. Sounds like alot of excitement to me. Any other ODC people going????

Since Jenna Dewan just got engaged over the weekend to Channing Tatum, I thought I would bring back the video of Jenna teaching Ramiro some dance moves!  Too funny for words!!!  Enjoy!

If, like me you get fed up with skipping between pages, as blog disappear over the virtual horizon

try this.

http://my.telegraph.co.uk/blog_browse.one?num=96

 

ODDEST BOOK TITLE CONTEST
Believe it or not, there is an annual contest to name the book with the oddest title from the past 30 years. After thousands of votes, Bookseller Magazine, announced the book with the oddest title was "Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers." The book is a comprehensive record of Greek postal routes by Derek Willan.   It beat "People Who Don't Know They're Dead" and "How To Avoid Huge Ships" which came in second and third places. The pre-game favorite was the prize's first ever recipient, "Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice," said Horace Bent, custodian of the annual Diagram Prize.  Gary Leon Hill's "People Who Don't Know They're Dead" topped the polls for over three weeks. Another early favorite "How To Bombproof Your Horse" also failed to feature in the final count. The prize was dreamed up initially at the 1978 Frankfurt Book Fair as a way of avoiding boredom. It has since become an annual star. Last year's winner was "If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080906/od_nm/britain_
book_odd_dc;_ylt=AuIpJbQWHR6Rlx8p7Po7xtASH9EA
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STUPID CRIMINAL #820-920492-2
When you've got a rifle, a live grenade, pistol, ammunition and other "items of concern" as police call them, don't stop anywhere in Washington DC and ask a cop for directions to the Capitol Building.  Christopher Shelton Timmons, 27, was in front of the Library of Congress and did exactly that.  He was detained and then arrested when the officer spied a rifle case in the car. While streets were cordonned off, a search of the Jeep Cherokee turned up a rifle, a live grenade, a pistol, ammunition, magazines with ammunition in them and several other items. The FBI, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives and District of Columbia police assisted in the investigation.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/09/05/national/w110314D89.DTL&tsp=1
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MAN SHOOTS WOMAN WHO WOULDN'T GIVE HER PHONE NUMBER
Broward County Florida police are looking for a man who they say shot a woman after she refused to give him her phone number. According to The Sun-Sentinel, Vernice Morris, 23, was leaving a club when a man she didn't know pulled up to her in a black Lexus SUV and asked for her phone number. When she refused, the man followed her to where her car was parked and asked again for her number. Morris still said no. She told police that he said he was insulted, and bragged to her about other cars he had.  He then told her that "people like you, I put a gunshot in your chest."  Morris told police she took off in her Acura Sedan and the man followed and pulled up next to her at a stoplight.  He pulled out a gun and shot her twice...once in the stomach and once in the wrist.  Shortly after, she lost control of her vehicle and crashed the car.  Paramedics took her to the hospital. The suspect was driving a 2007 or 2008 black Lexus RX 350 SUV and police consider him armed and dangerous.  
http://www.wayodd.com/south-florida-woman-shot-twice
-after-refusing-to-give-out-her-phone-number/v/9590/

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A Lot of Us Would Risk our Own Lives for our Pets!

47% of Americans would refuse rescue from a hurricane if it meant leaving without their family pet.

72% agreed that there should be formal evacuation plans for pets.

Number of animals rescued during Hurricane Katrina: 10,000

Number of animals housed during Hurricane Fay: 1,000

People with children were 62% more likely to leave their pet and evacuate than those without children.

45% said animals should be rescued only after all humans have been brought to safety.

34% said animals could be rescued along with humans "if time and space permits."

16% said animals and humans should be considered equals and pets should be "rescued at all costs."

Dog owners were 41% more likely than cat owners to say that pets should be rescued at all costs when rescuers encounter them.

(Source: A 2007 survey by the American Humane Association)
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The State Fair in Texas fries even mor crap that San Diego's Fair!
Big Tex Choice Awards!

These are the best of the foods to be offered at this year's Texas State Fair.

Best taste: Chicken-Fried Bacon
Most creative: Fried Banana Split

Other finalists

Texas Fried Jelly Bellys
Deep Fried S'mores
Fried pineapple
Fried Chocolate Truffles
Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Waffle Balls
-----------------------------
Here's What the People WHo Don't Need Any Free Stuff got in thier VMA Gift Bags:

The Official Gift Bag of the 2008 VMAs was unveiled at the Paramount Studios. The bags are filled with more than $15,000 worth of glittering jewelry, one-of-a-kind fashions, high-tech gizmos, all-inclusive vacation packages and more cosmetic products than anyone would use in two lifetimes.

Complimentary membership to the Best of Everything's Wish Fulfillment Services to book a trip  or just cash in your free four-night, five-day stay at the Bungalows resort at Cofresi Beach in the Dominican Republic.

Jour & Nuit crystal-strap sandals
Andy Warhol watche
Ugo Cacciatore pendant
Clothing from:
Fendi, Qi Cashmere, Fonzworth loves cashmere, Kings of Glory, Queens of Glory,
Gypsy 05, Five Four Clothing and Taverniti So Denim.
Assortment of hairproducts
Baby Quasar personal light theay
Mp3 player from Rhapsody
Ultrasone speakers
Rock Band 2
Astrology reading by Gahl Sasson
-----------------------------
Another List San Diego Should Have Ranked Higher On!:
Forbe's just released their Best Cities for Singles list..Here's the Top 20

   1. Atlanta
   2. San Francisco
   3. Dallas
   3. Minneapolis
   5. Washington D.C.
   6. Seattle
   7. Boston
   8. New York City
   9. Orlando
  10. Phoenix
  11. Chicago
  11. Denver-Aurora
  13. Miami
  14. Austin
  15. San Antonio
  16. Los Angeles
  17. Houston
  18. Charlotte
  19. San Diego
  20. St. Louis

More at http://www.forbes.com/2008/09/04/best-cities-singles-forbeslife-singles08-cx_ee_0904singles_land.html
--------------------------

Doctor Fired for Allegedly Drinking on the Job

BOSTON (AP) - A Massachusetts doctor has been fired and lost the right to renew his medical license for allegedly trying to give a pregnant woman an epidural while drunk.

The state Board of Registration in Medicine says 39-year-old Robert Dolan was drinking from a bottle of bourbon he brought to work when he was called to perform the procedure at Caritas St. Elizabeth's Medical Center last November.

Dolan, an anesthesiologist, called another resident for help, who noticed he appeared drunk. The attending physician then called security. He was fired by the hospital a few days later.

Dolan's license to practice medicine lapsed in January and he will not be allowed to renew it unless he can stay sober for 18 months.

The board said Dolan accepted its version of events.

-----------------------

Married Women Hate Sex

Sexless marriage: Millions of moms are in one, yet it's taboo to talk about it. Momlogic asked 2,500 married women to reveal the dirty details about their sex lives after marriage and we were shocked by what we found--half found sex to be a depressing, embarrassing or a hassle!  PLUS: Three moms and a deprived husband share their stories of sexless marriage. AND: Expert advice for spicing up your relationship.

The most eye-opening findings:

50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle: We also found out that although 77% of the women claim their sex life is somewhat to very important to them, 54% of married women admit they're the ones who don't want to have sex.

According to 29% of married women, they're just too tired: Not too surprising--at least to those of us with young kids-- that this was the main reason women say they don't want to have sex.

What would women rather do than have sex?

• 24% would rather take a bubble bath.

• 26% would rather read a book.

Also, according to our survey:

• 23% of the women who have sex do it because they love their husbands and want to make him happy.

• 49% of the women have sex because they want it.

• 26% of the women surveyed say their sex lives took a turn for the worst after they had children.

Even momogic contributor and sex therapist Dr. Shannon Fox was surprised by the results of our survey. "It is sad to see that half of the women polled described their sex lives as depressing, embarrassing or a hassle. That is a lot of unhappy women! That means that even the women who are having sex more often aren't happy with the quality of the sex they are having."

But on the flip side, although things look bleak when it comes to married sex, Dr. Fox says, "77% say of the women say that their sex life is important. I've found that the husbands in sexless marriages are often shocked to discover that their wives think sex is important. Spouses in sexless marriages often feel neglected and that their desires are unimportant to their mates."

Dr. Fox adds, "It is not surprising to see that the frequency of sex decreased for many couples after the birth of their first child. Many women report less opportunity for sex, dislike for their post-baby bodies and sheer exhaustion as the main killers of their sex lives after children."

According to statistics, living in a sexless marriage is VERY common; however, for some reason, it is still one of the most taboo subjects around. But we found three moms who invited us into their homes (and marriages) and shared their own experiences of being in a sexless marriage. And it's not all what you'd think...

---

If your brother was famous and you had embarrassing photos, you would:

www.buzzdash.com

Post them on your web page 2%

Sell them to the Enquirer      4%

Sell them to your brother      22%

Destroy them                         53%

Other                                      19%

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WHEN THE WHIP COMES DOWN

The twenty-five most emasculated, disempowered, henpecked husbands on the planet

men.style.com

1. Guy Ritchie

After the tough-talking shoot-’em-up Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels made him famous, the British director married long-in-the-tooth pop star Madonna and collaborated with her on a train wreck of a shipwreck comedy called Swept Away. The director gets extra lashes for embracing his wife’s trendy spiritual endeavors, reportedly sacrificing what’s left of his career cred on a yet-to-be-released documentary on Kabbalah. But the real reason he tops the list?

2. Doug Christie

A running joke among NBA fans holds that giving a friend a jersey emblazoned with the Sacramento Kings’ number 13 is a none too subtle indication that your buddy is terminally whipped. The swingman’s wife, Jackie, followed him on the road, where in a typical game she was treated to as many as fifty hand signals of love and affirmation. In 2002 his public subjugation was celebrated in the sports pages of The New York Times, where Christie boasted: “Every conversation I’ve ever had with a woman since we’ve been married, besides my wife, she knows about.”

3. Eminem

You know a guy’s in trouble when he marries the woman he’s spent years openly fantasizing about killing, then he goes and marries her again.

4. Bill Gates

Once upon a time, the Microsoft founder was a rapacious evil billionaire in the Montgomery Burns mold. Enter his wife, Melinda, and suddenly Mr. Moneybucks is giving it all away through their Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Instead of spending his money on toys like personal rocket ships, Gates is now doling out his savings around the globe. Maybe it’s his operating system: Before marrying Melinda in 1994, Gates sought permission from his ex, Ann Winblad.

5. Josh Kelley

Marrying Knocked Up star Katherine Heigl might do wonders for the career of this James Blunt wannabe—she did appear in Kelley’s video—but since when did weddings become promotional events? Uh, when the bride’s got a big wedding-themed  movie to carry. These striving newlyweds not only provided pictures of the big day to OK! magazine but were married three weeks before 27 Dresses tanked at the box office. At least the marriage outlasted the movie.

6. Marc Anthony

“She’s always been the boss!” the lizardy Latin singer told People magazine about his El Cantante costar and producer, wife Jennifer Lopez. “That’s the first thing a man has to know.… Absolutely, no question about it.” At least Anthony is a man of his word: In 2007 the Grammy winner set out on tour with his new wife, performing as her opening act.

7. Kurt Warner

The ex-Marine and born-again Christian—that’s Mrs. Warner, by the way—has raised the ire of NFL fans with her unwelcome pronouncements on her husband’s career, her aggressive evangelism, and her mushy postgame kisses. Fans have compared Brenda to Yoko Ono and Gozer from Ghostbusters, but her MVP remains loyal to a fault. When the journeyman QB learned he’d be playing in the Pro Bowl, he sent her a bunch of roses with a note reading “This is a great day for me, but it would mean nothing without you there to share it.” Sheds some light on that groin pull in 2005, doesn’t it?

8. Rupert Murdoch

Wendi Deng was just another twentysomething MBA (and thirty-eight years his junior) when she netted the Aussie billionaire master of the universe, whom she seems to enjoy belittling in public. According to New York magazine, she’s said to have revealed that he uses Viagra (but doesn’t need it) and once asked him in front of colleagues, “Are you going deaf, old man?” In January, Deng got her mighty mogul to play waiter at a women’s-empowerment event in Davos, Switzerland, much to the amusement of Murdoch watchers the world over. Then again, waiting on Deng has helped Murdoch gain access to the multibillion-dollar Chinese-media market, so who’s using whom?

9. Howard Stern

Not only did the self-styled King of All Media break his promise to never remarry when he got engaged to Beth Ostrosky in 2007, but he also reportedly gushed, “I love you. You’re everything to me. The Sirius-radio host has given over longer and longer segments of his show to coo to his beloved and promote her spaying, neutering, and pet-adoption crusade.

10. Ashton Kutcher

Speaking of his cougar wife, Demi Moore, the ever articulate Punk’d auteur told an interviewer, “I can describe my wife in two words. She’s awesome.” He also gushed, “Do we want to have more kids? I don’t know. I’m not really in charge of all that.” Seeing as how his wife is 45, we assume a fertility specialist is the one who’ll ultimately decide.

------------------------

Handle This: Nine Ways To Ditch A Bad Date

www.thefrisky.com

When “It’s just one drink” turns into “I would rather have a root canal than another martini with you”, it’s time to devise a plan to ditch your dead-end date - fast. While making a swift departure without coming off as a total jerk is tough, it is possible as long as you’ve got a well-formulated plan, says Yvonne Rice, former dating agency owner and author of Finding “The One”: A Powerful Step-by-Step Guide to Making Online Dating Work for You. “Because most people don’t take rejection well,” she explains, “not putting careful thought into how you’ll exit your bad date runs you the risk of sparking the ‘nasty’ in the date you’re ditching.” For Rice’s suggestions on how to escape a bad date with your reputation – and your date’s dignity – intact, read on…

Spill It
At a bar, coffee shop or restaurant? “Accidentally” spill your entire drink in your lap so you’ll have to leave and get out of your wet clothes. A word of warning here: make sure whatever you’ve been guzzling isn’t boiling hot. You don’t want Bad Date coming to the emergency room with you because you’ve sustained 3rd degree burns on you privates.

Claim A Curfew
It worked in high school, and believe it or not, this evergreen get-out-of-jail-free card still works when you’re an adult. If your date’s going nowhere fast, bow out early with the claim that your roommate, pet or, if you have one, child is expecting you home pronto.

Use A Lifeline
It’s never a bad idea to have a friend text you on your cell phone 30 minutes into your date. If everything’s going great, then fantastic – you can text back that you’ve likely met your future spouse. If not, however, the door’s open for you to make an excellent case for removing yourself from the date. Think “Oh no! My best friend’s car broke down and I have to pick her up!” or “My younger brother’s watching my dog and apparently, Fido just ate an entire bag of his Doritos - bag and all!” Who’s gonna argue with your needing to make a quick departure to remedy situations like those?

Remember That Opposites Don’t Always Attract
If you’re positive there’s no future between you and your date, begin steering your conversation in a direction that’s sure to make that clear to him or her as well. If he reveals a passionate support for John McCain, note that you’ve donated as much as legally allowed to the Obama campaign. She’s a strict vegetarian? Wax poetic about your last birthday dinner – and the amazing porterhouses - at Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Once your date realizes the two of you are like oil and water, it should be easy to swiftly end the evening.

Fake An Illness
If you’re itching to extricate yourself from a nightmare of a date, muster up your best Academy Award-winning performance and play sick. Start rubbing your head and referencing your terrible migraines or, for a less subtle approach, start coughing uncontrollably. For a truly fail-safe strategy, rush to the bathroom every five minutes or so. It won’t take long for your date to get the hint that you’re sick, and he or she will probably be happy to see you go.

Get Lost
At a crowded club, play or movie with a dead-end suitor? Excuse yourself for a bathroom break a